Oh the joys of working at Wal-mart!...This is my fourth summer at good old Wally World. It's been a great college job for me. I work in the summer and over my breaks, and have earned a lot of my tuition money here. I've been a cashier, a people greeter, a cart collector, I've answered phones and transferred calls, I've worked in seasonal, lawn and garden, toys, housewares, domestics, clothing, layaway, fitting room, Personnel, and currently I'm working in the Produce department.

Yes, that's right! I'm the new fruit and veggie girl this summer. What an amusing job. I have lots of amusing Wal-Mart stories to tell, so that will be the function of this page. I'm going to post my stories, embarassing moments, and mishaps for everyone to read. Stay tuned! The fun is only beginning...
 

Ok. First story. I had only been employed by Wal-Mart a few weeks working as a cashier. It was nearing Father's Day, and a lady came through my line to purchase a fishing pole and a tackle box. (presumably for a husband or father) I rang up the tackle box, but couldn't seem to find the price tag on the pole. As I was inspecting it, turning it over and waving it around, I hit the lady right upside the head with it. Oops! She was not amused, but I couldn't stop laughing!
 

Not long after the "fishing pole incident", I injured another customer in my line. He was buying a pair of pants, and they were on the kind of hanger that has metal clips. These metal clips are supposed to slide easily back and forth, but this particular hanger was being difficult. The clips wouldn't budge to release the pants. I pushed and pushed on them until one sprang loose -- flying through the air and nailing the guy right in the nuts. Oops! Again, I had to stifle my giggles while the poor guy grimaced in pain.
 

While we're discussing injuries, in a totally unrelated story, I once had a cellular phone dropped on my head while working in Personnel! The office was being remodeled, and the head of the construction crew was doing something with the ceiling tile. He was standing on a chair, poking at the ceiling with the antenna of his cell phone. For some reason, the phone slipped right out of his hand, and thunked me on the head on the way down. Ouch! I guess it was payback for the fishing pole incident! haha!
 

Another injury accured during my first day on the job in the produce department. I slipped on a grape and stubbed my toe on the trash compactor. Those grapes are slippery little suckers!
 

It seems a lot of weird things happen to me in the produce department. Last week at work I dropped a 5 pound bag of potatoes on my foot, I caused an apple avalanche, and I also dropped a case of grapes on the floor in the cooler. oops! (again)

Some interesting things I've learned working in the produce department: I've learned how to "tray and wrap" squash, how to exfoliate corn, how to tell the difference between a number of ripe and rotten fruits and vegetables, how to turn on the trash compactor and the cardboard box bailer, and I've learned all about the wonders of "quality control." oooh. how exciting.
 

Sad to say I suffered yet another injury this 4th of July weekend. It was not my fault, however. The store was very crowded that afternoon, and the produce department was having a special sale on strawberries. One pound for one dollar. No kidding! One customer, in her haste to get to the strawberry display, did not see me walking by and slammed her already overflowing cart right into my knee. OUCH! It left a rather large bruise, but other than that, I escaped unscathed.

I suffered a major embarassing moment a few weeks ago when the produce manager was helping me stock grapes. He was trying to help me finish up so that I could go to lunch. However, every time I positioned a bag of grapes on the table, he would move it. It was a bit annoying, to say the least. I remarked "Where exactly do you want me to stick these?" He didn't reply, so I kind of grumbled to myself "Well, I guess I'll just stick them somewhere..." I didn't mean the comment to come out sounding so saracastic, but I think he took it that way because he said to me "Well, I know I was bending over, but I don't want you to stick the grapes there!" He thought I meant I wanted to stick them up his ass because he was annoying me! But that's not what I meant at all! I was so embarassed! He just laughed at me, but my face sure was red..."
 

Here's a good joke I heard from a friend at work: "What's the difference between a produce manager and a gourmet chef? The way he displays his cucumber!"
 

I did my first ever Beavis and Butthead impression the other day. I was husking an ear of corn, and just to be silly, I held it up saying "I am cornholio! I need corn for my bunghole!" My co-workers looked at me a little strangely, as this is out of character for me, but after that cucumber joke I was in a pretty goofy mood!
 

A watermelon story! Before we cut watermelon into quarters or halves to sell, we must first wash it off. In one sink basin, we wash it in water and "vegi-wash," (some mix of anti-bacterial germ killing stuff), and then we rinse it in another sink basin full of regular tap water. I was washing a watermelon one evening, and in the process of transferring it out of the vegi-wash and into the tap water, the slippery thing slid right out of my hands. It landed in the second sink basin, but not without causing a giant tidal wave soaking my face, my hair, my shirt, the countertop, and the floor! Luckily, no one was looking when this happened!
 

Here's another produce related joke: Which vegetable always wins a race? Lettuce! Because it's always "ahead!"